We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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