Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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