he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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