She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
