apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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