And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
