I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
