The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
