Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
