pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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