I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
