i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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