she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
