i think i have herpe
just one?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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