dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
