she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
