Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
