she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
