I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
