Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
