My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
