The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
