textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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