you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
