I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
