We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
