I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
