I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
