Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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