I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
