did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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