i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
