found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
