i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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