if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want to have your abortion
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
