maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
