im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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