She's JV to your varsity
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
