I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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