It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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