Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
