my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
