you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
