so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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