At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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