I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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