so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
