she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
