I hate all girls vehemently.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I did not marry a roomba.
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