Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yo dont text me then not text me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
