Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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