Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
