I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
