just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
