i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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