i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
4 words: hood of his car
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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