I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
