Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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