Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
