Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Drake has all the answers
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
