i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
