i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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