I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
