hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
