I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
