Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So squirting runs in the family.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
