Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
