So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
