dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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