it wasn't lemon gatorade
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
