I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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