Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
